The Worldwide Canvass

We went to another Los Angeles Angels game last night but I couldn’t concentrate. I kept seeing the Texas Holdem Bandit at every turn. I just pictured him coming after me. The Sox lost again. I felt Joe was disappointed but didn’t say anything. I wish I could be more like Joe and not worry so much about people trying to kill me because I am a witness. I told Joe to be careful. He promised that he would be. This morning, I went over to Donna’s house and picked up her Tazer. I told her about the Texas Holdem bandit being out of jail and she was glad to give it to me. I then went to the liquor store and talked to Don. I told him about the bandit escaping and he said he was ready. He pulled out a 22 from under the counter. “They’ll have to pry my gun out of my cold dead hand,” said Joe, a lifetime member of the NRA. I decided to get a bottle of Jack Daniels for my neighbor, Mike. Don looked at me with suspicion but I ignored him. Even if this was for me, I would deserve it. Armed with my tazer, I found myself looking over both shoulders as I walked out of the liquor store and heading back home. As I got out of the car, I walked towards the house and felt someone grab me from behind. It was the Texas Holdem Bandit. Before I could get out my tazer, I whirled around and hit him in the head with the $22 bottle of Jack Daniels. He was out cold. Once again, I was being hailed a hero for capturing a criminal.